A little bit about me.

5 years i have been fighting this disease but sometimes i think is it worth fighting? I was 11 when i first starting worrying about my weight and starting restricting my food, not enough that i would lose a considerable amount of weight. 

It got worse as i started secondary school, i would see skinny and pretty girls everywhere, they looked happy and confident and i really wanted to be like that. I started to restrict myself to less than 800 calories a day and exercise non-stop. I lost a HUGE amount of weight. I didn't look like those skinny, pretty girls though. I was still me but in a version of a skin and bones. I was far from happy, i hated everything about myself, i couldn't find one positive thing about me. And i lost all of my confidence.

I use to dream of becoming an actress or a comedian. I used to feel at home when i was on stage, telling jokes or acting, but i couldn't dream of doing it now. 

I have put on a ton of weight over this year, and i want to lose it. I want to see if this time when i lose some weight i will gain some of my confidence back. That's why i have made this blog, i want to keep track of what and how i am losing the weight. Also, so i can look back on my feelings. I have this need to write everything down because i have no-one to talk to. 

Tomorrow, i am starting a 3 day fast. I want to cleanse all the evil toxins from my body, sort of like a fresh start. If only fresh starts were real, i would have my confidence back and forget i ever had an eating disorder. But i can't forget, my eating disorder is a part within me (i call it my evil side), even though it is evil, i would be lost without it.


Thankyou for reading and i hope you can join me in my journey by reading my posts xx