Day 1: 400

I'm doing pretty well today, i feel really weak though, i don't think it's the lack of food though. I think i may have the flu coming, today i had a horrid stomach ache, i couldn't go to the gym, it was that bad. I feel much better now though but my arms and hands feel weak :(. Nevermind, i will probably feel better tomorrow. I might go to the gym tomorrow since i didn't go today. So i stepped on the scales and this morning i weighed 106lbs, yep really bad. I am soooo annoyed but i realised that it doesn't matter because from now on i will be seeing the scale going down. Hopefully anyway. I am hoping to be 100lbs by the end of this month so then i can be at least 95lbs by xmas. That gives me 16 days to lose 6lbs. It should be easy if i stick to this diet. I hope everyone is doing well on their journey to thin. Remember nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I love that quote, it is so true. I thought i would post some thinspo too :)

Just Can't Get Enough

I can't seem to stop eating, bad day again today, don't even want to look at the scale let alone step on it. I have decided to do the SGD diet because i think i will be able to stick with that at least for a while. I have brought a shit load of new skinny clothes but i'm not losing the weight to fit into them. Weigh in day tomorrow, i am absolutely shitting myself for it. If i am at least 105lbs i will feel okish about that but anything over that i will be fasting until i am 105lbs. I have noticed that i have put weight on my stomach but i can still see my ribs when i lift my arms up so it's all good. FOR NOW. If i could cut this weight off, i soooo would.

Thankyou

SweetandSavoury xxx

And it was all going sooo well :(

I was so proud of how my eating was going these past few days but today i had to ruin it, i had a mini binge. It was horrible, i really didn't want to eat the stuff but i just HAD to and i don't now why. But i am going to forget and do some ab exercises in the minute. I love doing abs because i feel so thin afterwards. Weighed in this morning and i was 103lbs, however when i had, had my binge i weighed myself and i was 105lbs. Hopefully tomorrow when i step on the scales i still have lost weight. I haven't really been exercising that much but next week that will change. I decided to fast tomorrow to makeup for today. My dress arrived today and i just look so chunky and frumpy, i hate it. The dress is a UK size 8 and it was a good fit, which really annoys me because i have been fitting into size 6's lately. Oh well! When i have reached 100lbs, i will post body pic updates.

Thankyou

SweetandSavoury xxxx

Today went fairly well

I had work today, so i HAD to eat something. My boss was actually sat there watching me eat my sandwich, making sure that i ate every bit of it, i felt sick after it though. She tried to make me eat something else but i told her that i couldn't and she gave me that look of disappointment. I know that she cares but i just want to be left alone to eat, i hate people watching me, i feel so embarrassed and greedy. She also thinks that i should see the doctors, i told her that i didn't want to go and she said that if i carry on the way i am, then she will make me :(. It's not even that bad, i am still eating and i am DEFINATLEY NOT skinny. Today i had a chicken sandwich which was 350 cals and a bowl of cereal which was about 300 cals. So at least today i stayed below 1000. I just wish i could resist the temptation. Today i was only supposed to have the sandwich. But i came home and was soooo hungry i could have binged.

Thanks

SweetandSavoury

I hate shopping

So i went dress shopping today for a celebratory thing that i have to go to with a few friends. I don't want to go but i promised my friend i would. I was trying on dresses and i just look so fat in them, i ruined the dress, it was terrible. I had to go home in the end because i just couldn't take it. My friend brought this lovely dress and she looked stunning in it. I admit, i was jealous, she has the perfect figure. It's hard when we go out for lunch aswell, she wanted to go to Mcdonalds, and i am supposed to be fasting so i got a coffee, luckily no-one asked why i didn't want mcdonalds. It's so unfair that they can eat that shit and still not put on weight. Today, i have had a coffee, 2 roast potatoes and a bowl of cereal. Yeah so much for the fast. I am going to try the fast again tomorrow, i just find it sooo hard to keep to. I was doing well until dinner time. I stepped on the scales this morning after loads of water and i had clothes on and i weighed 107.8. Not too bad. 

Thankyou 

SweetandSavoury xxx 

Another fail!

I just had to fuck up didn't i? I binged, i admit it was only a little binge compared to the others i have had, but still, i just wanted to fast and have that empty feeling inside me.


I haven't stepped on the scales in a few days because i am afraid of what they will say. I might get new scales because i don't trust my ones.


People around me have been noticing my eating habits and are starting to worry about me. I know it's nice they care but i just wish they didn't have to worry about me. They try ad force feed me and i hate it. I think that's how the binge was triggered today, they told me to eat this and that. And this evening i just though "Fuck it, i had that at lunch, might as well bloody finish the day of with a bang."


I guess i should tell you my stats. I don't really now my weight but last time i checked i was 108lbs which was Thursday i think. I am only 5 foot. My goal weight is 100lbs and my ultimate goal is 90lbs but i may go lower if i am not happy. Tomorrow i am definitely going to fast, i will just fake that i ate something. I hate lying to people that care about me but it's got to be done. I hate being this fat.


Thanks


SweetandSavoury xxx

A little bit about me.

5 years i have been fighting this disease but sometimes i think is it worth fighting? I was 11 when i first starting worrying about my weight and starting restricting my food, not enough that i would lose a considerable amount of weight. 

It got worse as i started secondary school, i would see skinny and pretty girls everywhere, they looked happy and confident and i really wanted to be like that. I started to restrict myself to less than 800 calories a day and exercise non-stop. I lost a HUGE amount of weight. I didn't look like those skinny, pretty girls though. I was still me but in a version of a skin and bones. I was far from happy, i hated everything about myself, i couldn't find one positive thing about me. And i lost all of my confidence.

I use to dream of becoming an actress or a comedian. I used to feel at home when i was on stage, telling jokes or acting, but i couldn't dream of doing it now. 

I have put on a ton of weight over this year, and i want to lose it. I want to see if this time when i lose some weight i will gain some of my confidence back. That's why i have made this blog, i want to keep track of what and how i am losing the weight. Also, so i can look back on my feelings. I have this need to write everything down because i have no-one to talk to. 

Tomorrow, i am starting a 3 day fast. I want to cleanse all the evil toxins from my body, sort of like a fresh start. If only fresh starts were real, i would have my confidence back and forget i ever had an eating disorder. But i can't forget, my eating disorder is a part within me (i call it my evil side), even though it is evil, i would be lost without it.


Thankyou for reading and i hope you can join me in my journey by reading my posts xx